Day One

It's day one and I must admit I am slightly terrified. It probably hasn't helped that I have spent all morning looking on the internet at the horrible side effects. I'm most concerned about the dry skin since I already know that I am prone to that. That is why I freaking hate my acne so much. How unfair is it that I have both dry skin and acne? I can't wash away excess oil because my acne comes from underneath. Drives me absolutely crazy.

It's something that someone who has never had severe acne will never understand. It takes over your life. Thinking about which daily wash medicines to use, should you use cover up or will that make it worse, trying not to stress about it but you can't help it. Avoiding mirrors, florescent lighting, natural lighting, getting your picture taken, and standing too close to people. Getting all excited when the dermatologist offers up a new medicine and the crushing disappointment when it does nothing, just like all of the rest. The comments by your parents who want to help but also blame you in a way. "Stop touching it. Are you washing every day? Did you remember your medicine?" Trying all of the crazy things you read on the internet. "Put a towel over your pillow as you sleep. Avoid coffee. Run every day. Wash your face as soon as your done working out. Eat fish." I'm sure some of these work for some, but not for me.

I truly believe that the only thing that has been keeping me from being more outgoing has been my acne. 10 years of it now. Started when I was 12 and now I'm 22. I cried on my Birthday when I realized it had been 10 years. That's what finally did me in. I was sitting waiting for the dermatologist when I just burst into tears. It was enough. Time for something drastic. My poor doctor was caught a little off guard but I was grateful he took me seriously.

I worry that my boyfriend won't be able to deal with the worse before it gets better thing. Also the mood swings that some go through. He is very chill and has little stressers in his life which can be great, but I worry he is not going to know how to react.

I'm trying to prepare for the dryness now. Lots of moisturizers, water, and lip balm!

Day One Feeling: Anxious